5 reasons why open adoption is better for kids

For many years, almost all adoptions in the US were closed. Files were sealed and locked away. And even if adoptees wondered about where they came from, many felt the need to protect their adoptive family’s feelings and keep their curiosity to themselves. Other adoptees set out to trace their roots once they become adults, but they didn’t always get happy outcomes. It’s natural for adoptees to wonder: who am I? who do I look like? how did I end up here? Open adoption is the norm in this country now, and for good reason. Here are 5 reasons why open adoption is better for kids.

Kids get to have a relationship with their birth/first relatives

When adoptions were closed, many adoptees many felt they were missing something hugely important they couldn’t describe. An ambiguous loss like this contributes to the higher rate of mental health problems that adoptees face. On the other hand, children of open adoption can reach out whenever they want. The arrangement might include updates and photos sent on a regular basis. Maybe they Facetime with their birth (or first) family once a year, or maybe it’s whenever they want to chat. The families might spend holidays or special occasions together, or exchange regular emails. No matter what the open adoption arrangement looks like, it helps kids understand their roots, their history, and their identity.

Kids don’t have to wonder who their birth/first relatives are

They know who they are and where they came from. Instead of scanning every crowd to see if they might have relatives nearby, or daydreaming and wondering about their who their parents might be, adoptees in open adoption know the truth, along with the names of at least some of their birth or first family. And when classrooms assign a family tree or genealogy assignment, adoptees’ trees may have some additional branches, but they can confidently fill in the names like the other kids can.

Kids have a fuller knowledge of the birth/first relatives’ struggles

If a child’s origin story is shrouded in mystery, she will likely (incorrectly) assume she was placed in an adoptive home because there was something wrong with her. But if she’s part of an open adoption, she may see her biological relatives struggle from time to time, as many of us do. The reasons why birth/first parents place their child in an adoptive home vary widely, but they can include some forms of instability. Conversations with the adoptee need to be age appropriate, of course. But if she has a better understanding about the circumstances behind the decision to place her in an adoptive home, she will no longer default to blaming herself.

Kids know about family allergies, medical history, and genetic history

When filling out medical forms, adoptees in closed adoptions didn’t know how to answer questions about family history of smoking, allergies, or disease. They’d just leave those forms blank, then have to explain why to the medical staff. Now adoptees have as much info as everyone else.

Kids get to experience birth/first family’s culture and traditions

Adoptive families learn how the birth family celebrates holidays, what recipes they love, and fold it into the family traditions they already observe. Before open adoption, adoptees’ heritage was erased when they joined a new family. Whether they had the same skin color as their adoptive family or not, there would be little to no acknowledgment of their ancestral culture and traditions. Now, these elements are considered a beautiful addition to the adoptive family.

Not every adoptee has a deep longing to know who their biological relatives are, and open adoption isn’t always the most sensible option. But if pursuing an open adoption arrangment, each person’s comfort level is discussed and arrangements are made and put in writing. There are no legally-binding contracts to enforce open adoption but all the adults involved must agree to move forward in good faith. Most importantly, the child’s welfare must be at the forefront of all decision making. It’s important that the quality of the contact never be erratic or confusing for the child. Like all adoption-related decisions, the adoptee doesn’t get a choice about whether or not to have an open adoption arrangement. But the research indicates that open adoption benefits the adoptee, the birth/first parents, and the adoptive parents too.